I haven’t written a blog post in over a decade. When I was 20, I wrote a lot of them, a lot of blog posts. A lot of vague, highly pretentious blog posts, really. Every thought about a college crush, every unpleasant interaction, perhaps even every minor inconvenience was fodder for the next barely-held-together metaphorical rage entry. I blogged regularly, hoping to elicit…I don’t know. I’m not sure what I’d hoped to gain from these public proclamations of one-sided, self-important ramblings. I don’t know what I thought I would get from it.
But I did know that I was angry. And I must have wanted other people to know that too.
I read somewhere once…or maybe someone told me, (but I just Googled it, and my 5-second internet search confirms) that anger is a secondary emotion. Anger is a result of some other feeling; it is the bandaid we put on our fear or guilt or shame or sadness. Anger works as an armor to cover our vulnerability.
“Kings” is a play I started to write as I began to feel my anger change into something else. When its slow dissipation led to short bursts of panic or sadness. It was surprising and confusing and worrisome. My anger was much less scary than what hid underneath it.
Like “Kings”, my life has been full of laughter and friendship and delight… and a deep sadness and a broken heart.
Writing this play was difficult, freeing, reflective, painful, lovely, sad, happy, upsetting, validating…and sometimes, still a little angry.
I’m acting in this play, this play that I’ve written. It’s been a long time since I’ve performed in a piece that I wrote. It was probably around the time of my last self-important blog post.
Being IN the play requires me to think about it from a different perspective, while also really attempting to find and connect with the person I was 10 years ago. The writer of the angry blogs who didn’t have the right words to just…say it.
I’m proud and excited to be part of a show that just…finally says the words I was trying to find a long time ago.
Thanks for reading my newest self-important blog post. Go see “Kings”. Like, if you want.
— Brit Christopher